I’m sitting here at a Starbucks in Scottsdale, hot and sweaty after driving my truck (minus AC) all around the valley, hair desheveled and long overdue for a haircut, and wearing an overworn jacket with a missing front button. I’m surrounded by the well-to-do of this city, just getting off work in their suits and ties and fancy dress. They are driving their hybrid SUVs, and going on without a care in the world. I look outside the window here, and see my truck with it’s front bumper missing when it fell off somewhere on the freeway, and I see the grill that is poised to do the same. The interior is trashed, with a turn signal that sizzles smoke when engaged, and trash and crap abound from hauling art supplies, products, orders, and personal effects around. It’s parked next to a Mazeratti and a BMW.
I’m gladly and happily helping a friend tonight, and am killing time until I meet her by drinking an iced tea. I think about later, when I’ll go home and feed my turtle, then end up passing out on the floor since I had to toss out my bed, most likely playing a DVD I’ve seen a million times before to help me sleep. I’ll wake up to hit “play all” on the main menu at least twice throughout the night. My sleeping habits are, at the moment, poor.
I’m long overdue for laundry, and the clothes I have just don’t fit right anymore. My hair is ratty, and I can’t do anything to make it look good. I go out into the world every day not feeling the 100 percent I’d like to, yet I do. I’m always in some case of temporal embarassment, and can’t do much to shake it.
But the only thing that really makes me feel devoid of any selfconsciousness and self-pity is immersing myself in writing, immersing myself in art. I’ve finally reached a level where I feel completely confident in my abilities that no matter how scrub I look, or the perception I can give off to society, I have complete control over myself in that regard. It makes up for the lack of satisfaction in other facets of my life currently. To be a creator, and contribute something to the world, no matter how minimal or trivial it may be. It washes over the negativity in my life.
I’m not always going to drive a shitty truck, wear shitty clothes and sleep on the floor. I’m not always going to look like a bum. Those things come in time, and there is nothing greater than surprising people with your greatest potential. I haven’t reached mine yet, but in time it will come. Maybe I should have just went through the drive thru instead of staring at my truck. Maybe in the future I’ll be that yuppie driving his beemer through the drive thru to get his beans, not having these laughably existential thoughts.
Til then, I’ll relish in being the caricature of the starving artist.
This image is styled after Marilyn Manson’s Antichrist Superstar era. which is a personal all time favorite album of mine, and a great source of inspiration in my self-expression as an artist. The lyrics overlaying the image are taken from the final song on the album, “The Man That You Fear”. The print itself is on high quality cardstock and comes shipped in a protective sleeve and durable packaging to prevent damage.
This was one of the funnest pieces I’ve ever had the pleasure to work on. Marilyn Manson was a heavy inspiration for embracing my inner outcast and making art unforgivingly, growing up as trailer trash that was always looked down upon.
“The Man That You Fear” is a song that heavily resonates with me, and is my favorite song off the Antichrist Superstar album, if not his entire collection. He penned the song at a relative’s wedding, feeling like a shunned member of his family inside the church building where the ceremony takes place. The lyrics “the boy that you loved is the man that you fear” deals with him growing up to become something that his family had looked down upon, perceived as if he were some sort of monster.
Sometimes I see the monster in myself. I, myself was a sweet, unassuming child, but had grew into something less than desirable, in a way paralleling that very perception. I’m sure most people have moments of reflection where they look at themselves and say “man, I’m such a fucking asshole”. It’s constant for me, however I do everything the best I can to not be the very thing I rip myself for being. It’s why I do what I can to help out everyone I know and give back to everyone that’s been an important part of my life in whatever little subtle, even unnoticeable way I can. It’s not a guilt thing in the slightest, it’s that I see people being better off when they at least try to be some bit of selfless. I’ll never stop, and I’ll always try to be the best I can. Inevitably, we all fall short at times. Just a matter of dusting yourself off and moving forward.
I’ll be doing more pieces like this featuring some of my (and hopefully your) favorite musicians. I got some really awesome stuff planned and in the works, with each piece being a bit of a personal narrative and peek under the veil of what has inspired me over time.
This Friday I will be rolling out my new Marilyn Manson print for sale here on the shop! It’s a piece I did styled from the Antichrist Superstar era, featuring Manson’s iconic look from that time period!
This piece is in full color, and I will be rolling out the colored artwork for it in the next few days, so stay tuned!
Well, to say last night was quite the pleasant surprise! I took a break from drawing and selling this past year to make myself more available for my friends, and to help apply whatever knowledge I picked up along the way to their artistic endeavors. Meghan of Dirty Teacup Designs was one I helped with, and it’s been an eye-opening and wonderful experience working with her. Because of her successes now, I’m no longer needed in the capacity I was in previously, and she’s been the big push for me to get back into this again.
Art depressed me. Mainly my own. I saw myself as a failure, and I couldn’t get past that. But overtime I regained my self worth and it culminated last night at my first public show in over a year!
I went in last night with the mindset that if I sold one thing, ONE THING, to me it would have been a resounding success. Last night, I far surpassed my own expectations, and any other shows I’ve done before at this event!
I managed to build one of the nicest displays I’ve ever built to display my artwork, and with the amount of prints, the signage, and the overt simplicity, I feel it was a decent attraction for a quick thing I threw together in about 45 minutes the night before! It worked beautifully.
My friend Ruben dropped by with his awesome wife Simeon to hang out last night with myself and my table neighbor, Meghan! All of my closest friends live about 20-30 miles away from my area, so for them to make it out and hang out with us and pick up a sketchbook was truly wonderful. I don’t see my friends nowhere near enough as I’d like to, so things like this mean the world to me!
Another awesome lady and AD Studio fan, Erika came out and picked up a Poison Ivy print too! Granted, she called all my artwork “crap” last night (kidding, of course! Or at least I hope so 0_o), she’s quite fun to hang out with when she comes out!
Meeting new fans and talking about my new book coming out to them was an incredible feeling too. Part of my falling out last year was the fact that all this artwork I was creating didn’t have a purpose, or direction. Each piece was just mindless filler until something legitimate came along. Having my new book coming out gives my art that purpose, and that direction, at least I hope it does. I’m more confident in what I sell now, because it’s just that much more diverse now. Fate: Into the Lungs of Hell has given me back my edge, and with each page I complete, it’s one step closer to revealing to the world the most ambitious thing I’ve ever worked on. So to share that with a new fan base means everything to me.
Selling next to Dirty Teacup Designs last night made me realize how much of a difference a year makes. I remember that first show we did together, where I just had a bunch of random prints and no aesthetically pleasing setup, and she just had, like 2 prints and some really awesome hair bows. I think we made gas money that night. So last night, looking through the bars next to my table of this huge rack setup of hers that it, in of itself can’t even hold the complete amount of work she’s created within that year kind of hit me last night. It was a full circle moment. I’m a reborn artist with a purpose and direction, and her brand is booming and she’s been growing so much, and we kicked ass last night. To be a bit selfish here, I have to say I’m proud of the both of us. I’m always happy reflecting on the fun of selling her stuff with her. Now I can move forward and honestly, I hope I can grow into even half of the artist she is now within the next year. I’m hopeful, but I might need a bit of help myself wherever I can get it to make that happen. I’m a bit rusty, and I know it will go away in time.
Thanks to everyone who came out, stopped and chatted, and listened to my spiel. ‘Til next time!
Well…as you’ll see in the archives there were a few welcome posts before this, but that’s just because I was trying this thing out, and it dragged on a bit longer than expected.
So i suppose this is the official WELCOME TO MY FUCKING WEBSITE!!! Sorry, I had to yell that out loud, because really, I’ve been drawing my whole life, and put forward some real effort ever since I made it a full time thing in 2007, and I’ve never really had an official…anything. I don’t think Facebook counts, either. I never branded myself, or put forward that effort.
But now, I got a place where I can actually post some new art, keep everyone up to speed on the book I’m working on, called (if you haven’t heard already) Fate: Into the Lungs of Hell! It’s so awesome, Dave Mustaine named one of his songs after it!
Totally kidding, of course. But damn, that song is rather epic. When I left off on the last volume of Fate I was working on, the story just seemed to fit that phrase so well I had to pay a tribute to it. And that’s one thing you’ll see with my new book. I’m heavily influenced by music. And I can wholly admit I listen to a lot of crap, but the really good stuff I listen to far outweighs it. Anyways, you’ll see the influence in the upcoming pages of my book, in the lyrics, the motivation, and the inspiration behind some of the traumatic scenes that lie within. Most of the book is based on real life events that I, myself and some older friends have gone through in our lives. I look at the book as therapy in a way, and hope I can tell a good story that you all could relate to or even cherish. Plus on here I won’t just share my art and whatnot, I’ll also share and divulge the inspirations behind what it is that I do.
My shop is live, and ready to go! I’ll be updating it frequently with new prints and other items, so please make sure to check back often! I’m currently accepting commissions as well if you are interested. And if you can (if you haven’t already), please like my Facebook page!
I’m so excited to be back in this, and have so many of you to thank, but for now, I’ll bid adieu.
Thanks for checking out my small piece of the world here! I love you all.
This song struck a chord with me the first time I heard it, as it talks about the desolation of someone who reflects back on his life and just wishes he could have one more moment with his love before his “Last Day”.